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Silly Putty recipe

1.Add: 1/2 cup water to 1/2 cup white glue 2.Mix and add 3 drops of food coloring 3.Make Borax solution: Take 2 tablespoons borax (You can buy this at a grocery store) and add to 1 cup of water and stir. 4.Add 1/2 cup of borax solution to water and glue mixture 5.Stir and store in a plastic bag

30 Fun Things to Do While Driving

1. Vary your vehicle's speed inversely with the speed limit. 2. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to headbang. 3. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors. 4. Two words: Chicken suit. 5. Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better. 6. Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone. 7. Laugh a lot. A whole lot. 8. Stop at the green lights. 9. Go at the red ones. 10. Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance. 11. Eat food that requires silverware. 12. Pass cars, then drive very slowly. 13. Sing without having the radio on. 14. Honk frequently without motivation. 15. Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene gesture. 16. Ask people for Grey Poupon. 17. Let pedestrians know who's boss. 18. Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look. 19. Restart your car at every stop light. 20. Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly. 21. Lob burning things in the windows of smokers who throw their butts out the window. 22. While stopped at a light, piss out the window/sunroof onto other cars. 23. Paint your car with occult symbols. 24. Keep at least five cats in the car. 25. Have some passengers in the back who are having wild, noisy sex. 26. Root (cheer, not snuffle in the mud) for firetrucks. 27. Stop and collect roadkill. 28. Stop and pray to roadkill. 29. Throw Spam. 30. Get in the fast lane and gradually ... slow ... down ... to a stop. Then get out and watch the cars. Throw Spam at them.

Here are some good questions!

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive? Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan? If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen? If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? Why is that when the bad guy shoots at Superman he sticks out his chest and lets the bullets bounce off his chest, but when the bad guy throws the gun; Superman ducks? You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"? Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo? You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance? Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

44 Fun Things to Do In An Elevator

1. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers. 2. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!" 3. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly. 4. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?" 5. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down. 6. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. 7. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. 8. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!" 9. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral. 10. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom. 11. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!" 12. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!" 13. Meow occassionally. 14. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose. 15. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!" 16. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected. 17. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends. 18. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side. 19. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator. 20. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!" 21. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it. 22. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?" 23. Say "Ding!" at each floor. 24. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons. 25. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope. 26. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space." 27. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?" 28. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body." 29. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 30. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers. 31. Play the harmonica. 32. Do Tai Chi exercises. 33. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons. 34. Give religious tracts to each passenger. 35. Leave a box between the doors 36. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. 37. Start a sing-along. 38. Shadow box. 39. Lean against the button panel. 40. Bring a chair along. 41. Blow spit bubbles. 42. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings. 43. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger." 44. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!

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